Happy Mother’s Day.
I am truly grateful for the mother’s in my life and I celebrate Mother’s Day with love and compassion for all the amazing women in this world. I was raised to the age of nine by a strong, loving mother and then from nine on by a powerful grandmother. I learned many lessons about life from these two women and today I realize I don’t talk to them enough and I long for the bond that a child has with her mother. I vowed in my own relationship with my daughter to change the generational paradigm that was passed down through my family of mother’s leaving their children and for many YEARS I felt like I had FAILED at this. I thought I had finally healed this old would and recently it reared it’s head again for more healing.
I remember the day my mother disappeared as if it was only yesterday. It is actually one of the few memories I have from my childhood, somehow whether repressed or blocked I can not recall many incidences from before that time. I was nine and my sisters were three and one. I remember the tears and the confrontation and the deep knowing of a young child that some things would never be the same.
And they never were. My mother disappearing that day saved my life, although I would ot understand the implications or let go of the guilt until well into my 30’s. Her decision made me the strong woman I am today.
I spent the next eight years of my life learning to overcome, become, and serve. I know that pivotal moment in my life set the stage for the work I do today. I overcame molestation at the age of 10 and rape at the age of 17. I served my 2 younger sisters and watched them grow and protected them. I overcame physical and mental abuse. But most importantly I BECAME a strong, independent, inspiring woman. I am who I am today because of my mother disappearing.
If my mother had stayed I would have seen women as weak and I would have a completely different view of the world. I am alive today to share my story because of the strength of my mother. She sacrificed herself for the safety of her children. Although I saw some horrific things happen as I grew I know today that I was saved that day to do the work I now do.
I want to thank ALL the mother’s out there that took a stand and made the DIFFICULT choices. The choices that seem like the HARD ones, the ones that meant giving up a piece of your own heart and soul to make sure your child had what they needed.
Sometimes it was those choices: the ones that no one understood, the choices that we got ridiculed for, the choices of BRAVERY that will define our lives.
I made a choice of BRAVERY for my own beautiful daughter when I moved to Florida in 2004.
It took me 10 years to see it as a choice of bravery and to heal the wounds of feeling like a bad mother. In 2014 at the First Annual PBL Conference I stood on stage with tears in my eyes as I shared my story about how I have carried the guilt of leaving all those years ago. Michayla bravely took the stage to hug me and announce that I am a the best mother a daughter could ask for. I cried as the wound slowly began to heal.
I have spent the last two years diving deeply into Intuitive Intelligence and deep healing spiritual work to cleanse my body and soul of trauma and regret and heal the “bad mother” wound. I am finally able to spend my first Mother’s Day in 12 years with Michayla. I am able to do this because I have time and location freedom with a business that I love.
Sometimes our pasts come back to show us repeating patterns and come to an even deeper level of healing. Last week this happened with me and my “bad mother” story. Through a series of misunderstood text messages from Michayla all my stories about how I screwed up as a mother came pouring out. I raged. I cried. I screamed. And then it was gone. A story that had lasted me all those years showed up for me to take off another layer and see how far this transformational work has taken me.
Are you ready to heal an old wound from the past? I have transformed my past into a beautiful present. Share one wound you are healing or have healed. Please comment below and share this blog!!!
Thank you for sharing. It is never too late to mend a relationship with someone you love. Sacrifices are not easy to make. But are needed. You are a warrior and soneone for us single mothers to look up to.