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Three Steps to Letting Go of Control & Perfectionism
Control? An illusion. I had an eating disorder that lasted many years and went through many phases. What I now know is that it wasn’t really about the food. It was a CONTROL disorder. The root of control is FEAR. One of the foundational principles that I stand for in my coaching and higher-self healing work is How You Do ONE Thing is How You do EVERYTHING. If you are struggling in your business or life consider
“How am I controlling the situation to create the outcome and how does this show up in other areas of my life?”
“What do I FEAR will happen if I don’t control the situation?”
If I had only know this back in 1997! I felt like I had NO CONTROL so I began to CONTROL anything I could. I feared I would fall apart if I didn’t have control. I began my obsession with food in my late teens less than a year after the third traumatic event in my life. First it was a punishment. I started looking at my body as a tool and how I could control the food that I took in.
At this stage in my life as a freshman in college when the rest were gaining there “freshman fifteen” I was binging AND purging. I survived on cigarettes and Mt Dew and when and if I ate Taco Bell, it would shortly there after end up in the toilet.
This progressed until at the age of 20, only months before I would become pregnant with Michayla, I hit my lowest weight, just 111 lbs on a 5′ 11” frame you could see my ribs and I wore a size 0. My obsession and control of food spilled over into other areas of my life. I was obsessive to have things “my way”. Control meant safety. Control meant never having to be hurt again. Control meant I could say YES or NO. That was something I never had the freedom of before.
Do you ever feel like you don’t have control over the things happening in your life? Control like anything else is an illusion that we all buy in to. Once I learned this I was able to take the necessary steps to transforming my life and creating a business that I love.
Step 1: Don’t give a FU**: Or as I love to say “Chuck it in the Fuck it Bucket!”
It is time to stop caring what other’s think of you and pleasing them. What if you STOPPED worrying about appearances and instead did what was right for the most important person in your life. YOU. Take a moment to look at what you are doing in your life and see if you need to chuck it.
Step 2: Detach from OUTCOME
I was at a retreat in February and a wise mentor Julie Santiago said the Universe (God or whatever you want to call it) answers your prayers in 3 ways.
* Ye, but not not
* No, something better
I didn’t even know that having something better than I imagined was even possible. I have discovered by letting go of the outcome that I have opened the door to MAGIC that I didn’t even know existed. Maybe it will work out or maybe something better will be born. I applied this methodology to my business and a whole NEW entity is being born.
The Universe said NO, SOMETHING BETTER.
The something better is bigger than my coaching or speaking. Bigger than what I would have know to even ask. I detached from the outcome and I received brilliant inspiration.
This is probably the hardest step and the easiest one to skip but the MOST important. You must be willing to make a request or offering and be genuinely will to ACCEPT whatever is in the high good for all involved. It’s about unburdening yourself from your longing. Let your prayer be “This- or something better.”
Surrender and be open to miracles.
I have learned that by GIVING UP CONTROL I actually have MORE freedom. Control only exists in our minds and colors the world with it’s gray lenses. Since giving up control my business is dramatically changing in beautiful ways and my life has opened to things I NEVER expected to RECEIVE. Something EVEN BETTER than what you could actually know to ask for is waiting when you surrender and let go of control. I have surrendered and I am open to THIS or SOMETHING BETTER.
Are you willing to let go of control? Please share below.